Monday, August 31, 2009


My God, My God
You cannot leave me
I'll wrap my arms around your arm
And I'll never let go
I could never let go
You pat my head as if to say goodbye
I won't say goodbye
I refuse to leave your side
Voices distracting
Taunt my gaze away
Telling me their theories
Their formulas and their lies
I don't want that, I don't want them
I just want to forever gaze into your eyes
I can't let go
I wont let go
I find myself in You
If you walk away from me now
I wont know what to do
If you walk away, You leave with all of me
Well...all of me that's fit to see
The more steps you take
The more my spirit breaks
The cool breeze leaves
In walks terror
It has come to seize
I try to run, I try to hide
All the time looking for the absence of my pride
I've been to all our spots
I don't find you there
I've gotten up early
I've stayed up late
I've been trampled underfoot
But still you tell me to wait?!
How could you?! What are you doing?
Leaving me here like this?!
I can't breathe another breath
Without a divine kiss
Where did you go?
Don't you miss me as much as I miss you?
No, I guess not
You're the hero
I'm the zero...
I'm pretty messed up, too
But God I'm begging you
Through the sobs and tears
Run back now, give back my joy
Relieve all my fears
You're running away from me now
I want to stop you, but how?
I can't get any lower to the ground
Oh well, if you have to leave, just go
I can see there are just too many things that I do not know
I'm sorry for whatever I did
I wish I could reverse time, believe like a kid
I just went 10 rounds with an invisible foe
I'm knocked down and bleeding
I keep falling and falling...each time a new low
I don't even look for you
Not anymore
When I hear someone knocking
I know it's not you at the door
To think I actually trusted you for all of that time
I actually believed that you would really be mine
I actually trusted you with my whole self
I didn't know you would push me to the back of the shelf
I'm sorry I didn't have the faith to stay
I climbed down from the shelf and showed myself out
I guess my belief in you wasn't that stout
I know I can't restore
That's what I need you to do
My hearts shattered into a thousand pieces
Can you fix that, too?
I looked elsewhere for a temporary fix
But me and this world...we just don't mix
My only home is You
And you're the only place I can rest
Are you depriving me?
Or did I catch the devil's eye?
When I started believing you could never, ever lie
My days with you were so sweet
Just sitting at your feet
I could not have been any happier than the moments when we did meet
I could sit in silence for all of eternity just sitting at your throne
Smiling up at you, when in your likeness I have grown
There is no aspiration that I have in this life
Than to be with you always, amidst all the strife
Rich or poor, I want nothing more
Than to have you, sweet Jesus
Have you forevermore
So this I plead
From the dust and the ash
Please...my soul can't take one more dash
Restore your presence in my life
Melt away the nightmares, the tears and the strife
Banish my enemy, drive him away
Cut off his feet
So that we'll never meet
Like we do these days
Up in my brain
I find him toying, laughing, scoffing
In my sleep, in the day, in every conversation, in every way
I can't escape him
I need you!
The more I run the more demons he sends after me, too
I have claw marks running rampant down my back
Of teeth marks and scratches I have no lack
My insides are in tatters
My soul tries to hold on
But without you oh God
All of me is gone
Return to me swiftly
On heavenly feet
Tread softly
And in my sorrow let's meet
Because I know you can be tender and comforting too
And right now all I need or want or hope for is You

Friday, August 14, 2009

Poem



A few observations...
I have watched an insane amount of girly movies over the past few months including He's Just Not That Into You, P.S. I Love You, The Diary of Briget Jones, etc. In all of these movies there were several romantic relationships between a girl and guy in a live-in situation. Not married but living together, and I'm beginning to see the trend of that theme in chick flicks. How common that is becoming.

In other news, I wrote this poem this morning...
A rare bloom
A bright spingy thing
Unfurls, lets fly
And unleashes everything
not trying to be seen
Not trying to be loud Not buried underneath
But head not in the clouds
Bounding out in all the wonder
Wide-eyed and learning
It rejoices in the thunder
It samples the world
Becomes a tad bit fatter
There are sour things
But they less than matter
She carries along
Learning to sing
The whole time hearing bells
From eternity's tower ring
Then one day she recieved all the frowns
Beating her up, pulling her down
People--no longer satisfied or pleased
Brought her low
Brought her to her knees
She ran and frantically ran
Searching for the warmth of the sun
She ran to the edge of herself
But still she found none
So she marched home in the rain
Through the mud and the distain
She threw off her colored robe
And was attended by sorrow
And was accompanied by sorrow
Everyone's wrath had she incurred
By way of being different
Of daring to live wide-eyed and free
And caring about those who didn't
The rain and dark clouds have marred her view
But she keeps watching for a sign of You
A ray of Son shining through

-Ashley Cheshier
8/14/09